the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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