I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
