Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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