Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
