Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
