2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
