yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
