so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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