kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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