I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
