so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
