i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
