Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
