He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
