R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
