You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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