Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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