How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
