I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
