Fuck appropriateness.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We left the knife in your bed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
