I'm gonna have a badass scar
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
