Only a mothe r could love this liver
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
