everyone is single if you try hard enough
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
