I just saw a hot homeless man
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
