I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
