I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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