So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
