I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
