are you still at the devil's house?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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