Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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