what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
