Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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