Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
