haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
