just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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