In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you didnt know i had herpes?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
