When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
