I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
