I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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