Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
