We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
