haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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