I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
