a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
