I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
