That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
