The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
