We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
