I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
