i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
