She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
