She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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