morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
