Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
