I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just threw up on my dentist
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
