he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
