.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
